On Sunday, I run for my dad

Ok. I admit it. I haven't been training as much as I have done for previous years for the half marathon. I feel like such a failure for having to go from the full marathon to the half (but I honestly think I would have died if I had stuck it out and ran the full 26.2 miles). It isn't like I haven't run at all and I just randomly signed up to run 13.1 miles. I have done 3 5k's and a 10k since signing up (I believe it was July). Things got in the way of me training (like school and work.. ok.. I'm now giving excuses for just being lazy). It wasn't a big priority like it has been in the past. 


What really got my "running" bug back was when my dad's cancer came back. When I originally signed up to do my first half (2010) was running with this amazing organization called CanCare. CanCare gives FREE one on one counseling if you have cancer (you are matched with someone who has the same type of cancer as you) or if you are caregiver then you are matched with someone who has gone through what you (as a caregiver) are going through. I am my dad's caregiver when he comes in town, and I am not going to lie, it takes alot out of me. I feel (and felt while he was here) so freaking guilty that I couldn't help him out more. I have NO idea what it is like to have cancer, no idea the humiliation, the pain, the frustration he has dealt with these past 9 years. I am quite a sensitive person (if you haven't already figured that out) and I am the type of person that wants to take away pain when someone else is hurting. I am now going to begin the process of having a CanCare volunteer for me. I was going to try to become one, but when my dad's cancer decided to come out of remission, those dreams changed. I have realized that talking to someone that is a caregiver for their loved one, is exactly what I need in order for me to be the best person for my dad to lean on. 


I woke up Sunday with a fever, the chills and no voice (along with swollen lymph nodes). I was SO pissed, thinking, "am I really going to go all this way and NOT run next Sunday?" The answer is NO. The fever was low grade and my voice.. well.. it is not quite back to reality, but that is NO excuse for me not running. I ran for the first time in (I am not going to admit that part, but it has been quite some time) yesterday and ran 5 miles. BOOM. The thing that kept me going was honestly my dad. My dad has been fighting cancer since 2003. That is a LONG time. Granted his cancer was in remission for a long time, but still, waiting after each blood work appointment wondering if the disease had returned is (and has been) nerve wrecking.


So on Sunday, as y'all are waking from your nice warm bed, I will be running in 40 degree temperatures with one goal. TO FINISH. My time is not what I am after this year (as it has been in the past). This year it is to finish. That is it. My bib number is 32906. If you want to follow me and see my progress, you are more than welcome too. 
With every step on the roads of Houston, I will be thinking of the blessing and honor it has been 
to be running for such an amazing organization and be thinking of the road my dad will be facing 
this year. I am planning on finishing the half with a big smile on my face (and the song teenage dream
on in the background). To all friends who are running, GOOD LUCK and finish strong!!


Until next time-

So thankful!

Life is a long road. Sometimes the road is straight (when life is easy), sometimes the road is bumpy (when it is hard) and well sometimes the road just ends when we are not ready for it to end. I would say that my "road" is now looking pretty serene and my path is straight. This past semester was my last official semester of being a full time HCC student. It was also a pretty hard semester. My car was broken into early on and my school books were stolen (along with my computer and I was taking three online classes). Then my dad's cancer decided to come out of remission and show its ugly head again. When I was confronted with life's problems in the past, I used to not confront them. I would run away and hope that they would just solve themselves. HA. Well, that doesn't work (and I have learned that from experience). We have situations in our lives to learn from them, so that when they do show up again (and they always do), we can confront them and we can have better ways of dealing with them.

The last time I was a full time student (2005), my dad was living in Houston and getting radiation 5 days a week. I used his "cancer" as an excuse for not going to school. I would tell my teachers, "well, I am just not handling his illness well", and I was also his full time caregiver while he was here. I decided to quit school, because I told myself that while he had cancer, I would never be able to finish school. I used that as an excuse for a very very long time. His cancer had been in remission for a while and since then it was always in the back of my mind. I always thought, well I know its going to come back and I know that he will be back living here, so what is the point in going back to school if I was going to have to quit it again and take care of him? It wasn't until I quit my last full time job in May 2009, that I got the courage to go back. I had the gotten advice from not only my awesome boss, but my friends to put my fears aside and head back to the college. So friends, this blog post is dedicated to you!

If it wasn't for the support of my friends and my boss, I wouldn't be where I am today. Since being back in school (summer 2010), I have managed to raise my grades, and have gotten into a Tier One University! These friends nudged the HELL out of me to go back. They would IM me on facebook (practically harassing me) asking me if I had figured out how I was going to go back and when I had signed up for classes. I honestly was quite annoyed with them. Always in the back of my mind, I kept thinking my dad's cancer was going to come back, and that my road would once again get bumpy. But I put my trust in God, and had the guts to sign up for school. I have officially been back in school since July 2010, and I have made the best grades I have ever made as a student. Yes, I did fail that stupid college algebra class (math is not my thing) and made C's in my biology classes (science is also not my thing), but my grades have overall been very good. I am now leaving HCC with a 3.0 for the fall semester, and my overall GPA is 2.879. 

When I go to U of H in January, I get to start my GPA over with a 4.0. The history adviser told the 6 transfer students at my session that he expected us to all graduate with 4.0 since we all get to start over fresh. I can tell you that I am planning on doing my best to meet his expectations. And yes, it will be hard since my dad's cancer is back. My attitude is SO much better than it was those 6 years ago. I am going in much stronger than I was before, and this time I am going to finish. Speaking of finishing, it looks like May 2014 will be when I will be graduating! I have come so far, and without the support of my friends, family, and of course my faith, I know that I wouldn't be where I am today. So for everyone that gave me encouragement, support, and pushed me.. I thank YOU!!

Clearly I've been busy..

Oh my lanta, it has been a while since I've updated the ole blog. oops. School has literally consumed my life this semester. I am counting down weeks until I am done (and get to start my next phase @ U of H). I am SO ready to be there. Ready for a change. I have been a student (on/off) @ HCC since 2004. I am ready for a change in scenery. Ready to dive into classes that I will appreciate, things that really interest me. Classes that will ignite my passion for history.

Cancer scares me. Every time I get the "phone call" from my dad telling me that he has to get another "test" to see whats going on with his cancer, it honestly freaks me out. Friday he will be getting a colonoscopy to see if his cancer has spread to his colon area. I sometimes forget he even has cancer. I mean, he doesn't look sick. His "humor" hasn't changed since he was diagnosed in 2003. He does still like to play the cancer card (especially when he "needs" something like a beer..) but again he doesn't look sick. He has been through so much these past few years, I am just so blessed that he has made it this long. So if y'all could keep him in y'alls thoughts/prayers I would really appreaciate it.

Not only have I been busy with school, but with work and giving tours at the Holocaust museum. Work has been great! I love the two little girls I take care of. I leave EVERYDAY with a huge smile on my face, telling my friends some new phrase or something funny the two year old said to me. She is awesome, and makes me laugh.. all the time. I leave exhausted too, wondering how these two awesome girls have so much energy. But then I remember a key thing that they get to do that I don't get to do anymore.. NAP. Oh the joy of even laying down for a short 10 minutes with my eyes closed.  With that little powernap it can turn exhaustion into energy (and of course my love for coffee will help me wake up as well).

I love giving tours at the Holocaust Museum, especially to middle school students. I gave a tour last week to a group of 7th grade students who were part of their school's leadership program. I had three boys who either always wanted to ask a question or participate in a question that I had asked the group. I LOVE THAT! They left (I hope) with a better understanding of what the museum represents and what they can do to help prevent hatred and prejudice from occurring. I also end my tours by asking the students, "What role will you chose? When you see something wrong going on in school, will you be the student that walks by and does nothing, or are you going to be the students that will have that voice and speak up?" I hope they become the students that will stand up for what they believe is right. 

Ok, that is what has been going on in my life. Until next time-

I love fall. Houston fall is different from Arkansas fall, but I still love it. Fall to me represents the year starting to come to an end, leaves changing colors (well.. kinda..) and COOLER TEMPERATURES. This summer was well.. miserable. I have lived in Houston pretty much my whole life (minus my year old stint as an Arkansas resident) and I think this past summer was the hottest I have lived through. It's amazing how even a 5 degree temperature difference can cause people's facebook status to change from "it's so hot" to "score, it's only 90 degrees." My favorite part of fall is waking up early, going out on my balcony and drinking coffee in a long sleeved shirt. I'm hoping we will have more consistent fall temperatures in a few weeks. Another thing I love about fall is FOOTBALL TIME! I am the type of fan, that when I watch a game on tv I get quite loud. My friends get embarrassed, but oh well : )

I am so freaking excited about my trip to Florida. I am taking a "vacation" for a few days, road trip style. I am driving to Florida for a friends wedding. My parents are worried because I am making the trip alone, but it is basically the same distance then when I drive to Arkansas from Houston. My room has a view of the ocean, and my goal is to just to relax and have fun. It will be my last hoorah before the really cold weather comes. I say really cold weather, more like 60's for the highs, and 40's for the lows. 

I am also way excited that my mom is coming to Houston to do a walk/run for pancreatic cancer research in December. She is the type of person that is humble and was not excited that I had put a team together in her name, but she is now starting to get excited. She deserves to relax and be catered to. My mom has been so busy focusing on my dad, and making sure he is doing ok, but she forgets that she too was facing the fight of her life in 1996. People don't live from pancreatic cancer, and she did. She still doesn't like to talk about it because of the amount of people that die from it. She keeps bringing up the fact that her form was very rare, and she didn't have to do chemo and radiation. She tends to downplay everything that happened to her. I honestly don't know what I would do without her. She fought, and she won. She has been cancer free for 15 years, survived two major surgeries and many other obstacles where she almost didn't make it, but she did. So on December 3, we are going to celebrate her, and celebrate the fact that she beat this awful disease. 

That is all, it is REALLY time for me for me to take \my biology test (gotta love procrastination). Oh yeah and GO TEXANS!!

Until next time..

School is back in session.

Well I'm  not going to lie, I really enjoyed my two week summer vacation. I worked for both of the weeks, but not the entire time. I did get to go to Galveston for a few days and saw the beach the bluest I have ever seen it (thanks to our lack of rain).

Galveston.. can you believe it?!

Again, a lot has happened since my lost blog post. I found out that I will be attending The University of Houston in the spring. I am WAY pumped!! Kinda freaking out how I am going to pay for it, but I'm sure it will work out. I am very thankful that they have community colleges like HCC. I love the smaller class sizes, the fact that I can get my core classes done there and save a ton of money (all at the same time)! When I graduated from high school, I can definitely say that college was not the place for me at that point in my life. Like I have said in my other postings, I appreciated school so much more now, than I did in the past (I'm sure it helps that I am paying for it, but that's besides the point). I am just ready to be back on a college campus. Last Saturday I got to attend my first U of H football game (and they won.. woo hoo)!! My seat was SO close! As I was looking around at not only the students, but the people watching the game, my excitement for getting an opportunity to attend this TIER ONE University gave me goosebumps. I have truly come a long way since I graduated high school in 2003. 

TOUCHDOWN!!

I started school almost two weeks ago, and I am glad to be back. I like keeping busy, and I felt guilty for enjoying my break. I am currently taking four classes (cultural anthropology, bio 2, western civ 1 and British Lit). I am considering taking a fifth during the second 8 week session. This semester is going to be quite busy. Almost every Saturday I have an assignment due, and numerous Saturdays throughout the semester I have at least two essays due the same day. EEK! Oh well.. BRING IT!

 As I end this blog, I want to remind everyone that September is prostate cancer awareness month. Whoever reads this blog, please encourage your dad, uncle, really any male that is over the age of 40 to start getting their psa level checked. Prostate cancer is treatable, if caught early (most of the time). My dad has had cancer now for 8 years, and he HAD been getting his psa level checked. I know y'all are thinking, "damn she always has to mention cancer in her blog", sorry folks. Cancer has affected every member of my family in some way. I am truly thankful for the advancement in medicines, which have allowed my father to still be here today. Below is a picture of my parents at my cousin's wedding. My parents are my heroes and I love them very much. They are both fighters, and I am truly thankful for that.

Until next time..

Stop and smell the roses.

A lot can change in a week. Last week at this time I was facing the reality of a situation that is now semi-under control. I am truly grateful for that. I am also thankful how one event can change someones attitude towards life. Everything happens for a reason, even though someone might not be able to see why events unfolded the way they do, they will eventually see why it happen the way it did (does that make sense?). Sometimes it DOES take someone getting thumped (and really hard) in order for them to get help. Each time I go and see my cousin, she looks like she is getting better. She told me yesterday that she was glad that I had been coming to visit her (or for our phone chats) and how I was helping her and I got choked up. I have been holding in these feelings and putting on my brave soldier face all week, and I need to let it all go. I need to face the fact that life is short and it is a privileged that one gets to wake up each day.

We live in such a busy society, where one has a million (and sometimes more) things that they have to try to squeeze in 24 hours. This is my challenge for you: stop and smell the roses. Take a break from studying, working (whatever you do) and relax and reflect. I know it's easier said than done, but JUST DO IT! Also, call someone you haven't talked to in a while and catch up. We live in a society where facebook and text messages become a way of life (believe me, I am WAY guilty of this), but having voice (and face to face contact) is awesome. I love getting random phone calls from someone I haven't talked to in a while and catching up. Those are the best.

I got my grades back from taking summer school, my summer school gpa is 3.5. That is the BEST I have ever done.. EVER. #iguesshardworkpaysoff (there you go Kat). My gpa is now 2.84. I still have a ways to go to raise it to a 3.0 (or higher) but with this good of a semester, I now know that anything is possible. For a while (and I know this is going to come up again in future blogposts, but I have to write it while I still feel it), I was wondering why I was back in school, or if school was even the right choice for me, and I guess it is! I am currently trying to finish my UH application and then we will see what my future holds. I am just trying to stay positive. I will be taking my two week summer vacation (well I will still be working, but no school) and try and take my own advice and stop and smell the roses. I am going to the beach next weekend, and I will be turning my phone off. I know you're thinking, "Lindsey, how are you going to live without facebook, twitter, foresquare, words with friends, etc)?" Well folks, I WILL! I am just ready to get a good book and read at the beach and take a step back from life. Thank goodness we live so close to Galveston, and thank goodness for surrogate families who let me join there summer vacations : )

Thanks again for letting me vent through this and for allowing me to 'open a window to my mind'. Until next time-

Adding on..

As I wrote the blog post earlier this morning I was still tired, and realized I hadn't said some things clearly. First of all, my aunt and uncle are AMAZING parents, and have done their best with my cousin. My cousin has had to hit rock bottom in order for her to realize that she needs help (and she feels this is rock bottom). My aunt and uncle are doing what they feel is the best for her, and I couldn't agree with them more. I have been visiting her because it makes ME feel better. I have huge feelings of guilt with what she is going through, and by me going to see her, it helps me better understand the emotions she is going through. I chose not to be around my uncle, because I was afraid of him. My uncle committed suicide in 2003 after suffering for years with addiction, and I felt VERY guilty that I didn't get to know him better when he was alive. As I told her yesterday, if I could take her pain and suffering away, I would do it in a heartbeat, but she HAS to feel the way she is feeling in order for her to get better. She was very out of it on Sunday when we took her to the hospital, but is now able to communicate with me.

As I mentioned before, when I write this blog, this is a way for me to express how/what I am feeling, when I might not be able to verbally express it. As I have also mentioned before, I wish that I could be superwomen and be able to solve problems, but I can't. All I can do is be a good listener, and give the best advice that I think I can give. I'm sure that I have mentioned this quote before, but I am going to mention it again. From Pat Green's song "crazy", there is a line that I find fits this situation perfectly. "Don't you think that life would be awfully boring, if the good times were all that we had?" Pat, dude, I find that line SO true. Each experience that I, and everyone I know, goes through helps shape them into the person that they are today. Because I have a family history of addiction, drug abuse, etc, I am more aware of what and how drugs change people. I know that addition is in my family, I just choose not to let it become who I am. When you are facing troubles, you have to face it, and not let drugs mask the problem.

Thank y'all for reading this blog and for y'alls sweet words of encouragement. Until next time-

ps. On a random note.. I AM DONE WITH SUMMER SCHOOL!!!