Do you ever feel LOST?

I apologize in advance for what I might write but like what I have said in previous posts, I am literally opening a window to my wind while blogging. These past couple of days have been tough, not going to lie. Is it too much of an expectation to hope that I can just rid of my body of depression? Not only does it take a toll on me mentally but physically as well. I have not been myself the past couple of days. It started on Thursday, with a sore throat, then after my tour on Friday I got a fever. All I have wanted to do is sleep and not do anything. I know that those are symptoms of depression but the fact that I had a fever was strange. I am feeling better, but still exhausted. I just finished a paper that is due tonight for my government class and the only thing I have to do is study for biology and then I'm free till Monday. I was SO bummed that I felt like crap yesterday. It was a BEAUTIFUL day yesterday (and today too) and I spent the majority of the day inside (with the windows up, and a/c off) watching (or listening) to LOST if I wasn't sleeping. I got started watching LOST a couple of years ago with my friends Matt, Cameron and Grant. Every Thursday we would switch off who would bring dinner and we would eat while watching the show and then go over what we thought of the episode. LOST is one of those shows that once you start watching it, you don't want to stop. And of course they would always stop it at an important part and we would look at each other and be like, "WhAT?" I loved hanging out with my Thursday LOST group. They were older than me, and they treated me like I was their little sister (in a good way). When Cameron would go upstairs to put Sydney (Matt and Cameron's daughter) asleep, that was when the boys 'jokes' would spring to life. Grant had the BEST jokes (and the naughtiest ones) that would make you first blush, then laugh your ass off because of how funny they were. He was so freakin honest and didn't care that I was a girl, and would just go for it with the funny jokes, really pushing the limits. Cameron would almost always have to come downstairs to tell us to be quiet because Sydney would hear us laughing and then she would start to laugh. Grant died almost two years ago. He needed a kidney and had several other health ailments. When he died, I was in shock, then very bummed. By looking at him, you never would have been able to tell that he was so sick. Every time you would bring up his health, he would quickly change the subject with, "how are YOU doing, or whats up with YOU". His passion was movies and making movies. Every time a new movie would come out, he would ALWAYS be the first in our group to see it, and would tell us if it was worth spending the money on it or not. He would also see the chick-flicks and tell me which ones I would like the most, which made me smile. He knew I was (and still am) a hopeless romantic and it was nice to be able to talk about chick-flicks with a guy. I miss him alot. I stopped watching LOST after he died. Every time I heard someone mention it, I would have a tear in my eye. Later on, I started watching some friends kids, who would watch the show at Alamo Drafthouse. They would always invite me to watch, but I would make an excuse or tell them that I could watch their kids so they watch it. I finally got the guts to go and watch it, to go over that bump and it was hard. Seeing Jack, Hurley and the rest of the LOST gang on the big screen made me miss Grant even more. When we lose someone who is close to us, there are certain things that we will always associate with them. LOST= Grant for me. I finally got over that bruise and started enjoying the show again, remembering how much fun Grant and my Thursday group had watching it. I will never forget him making fun of the 'smoke-monster' and wondering how much more crazy the show could get. LOST had its series finale last May, and I again made the trip to Alamo Drafthouse to watch it. As the last scene ended, I got really bummed again and started to cry. Yes, the last scene was sad, but it was like I was reliving Grant's death again. But it also brought closure, something that I needed to do in order to truly move on from his death. LOST will always have a special place in my heart, not only because of the fact that the show was AWESOME, but because of Grant. I am so thankful that Grant is not suffering anymore. And I hope that I can not be as LOST, and I have faith that this bump in the road will soon pass.

picture credit: lostpedia.wikia.com/wiki/Lost